Cole - Third Show

[KABQ] Cole's intro, as always, is Bugs Bunny expressing emphatically, 'Hmm.. this dont look like Los Angalese to me.. I knew I shoulda takin' that Left turn at Albuquerque', followed by random clips over Lynard Skynard's 'Gimme three steps'. "Good morning people. I say 'good' because coming on the air like some nihilistic goth crying over how bleak existance is, would just make me sound like a fruit cake. I want to know, I mean this too, what the hell is that fad about? Was it a joke gone horribly wrong? When I was in university, yes.. yes I went to university.. when I was at university, you'd have all the dark clad pale skinned body wiggling nut jobs all hanging out in the library.. Now, I'm not hating on the library, reading is absolutely fundamental, but I -am- hating on a subculture that refuses to see good in 'anything'. Life doesn't suck that bad and it certainly isn't out to get you. Anyone who tells you different is selling life insurance and doesn't deserve your time. Tell them to blow it out of their collective backsides and have a beer.. hell, take two, then call me in the morning. If you don't feel 100% better about your existance, then welcome to being a damn grown up. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it, but don't blame being lazy on some mystical force 'out to get you', it just makes you sound weak.. Anyways, I had to get that off my chest. Tonight's show is going to be a little different. I'm feeling... I don't know, I guess a little dark. So I want to hear your horror stories Albuquerque. Seen a ghost? Give me a call and tell us about it. three three five, five four six nine." Some creepy sounding goth music starts playing, "Woooo... hell no, get that crap out of here. This is the Hard Drive and I'm Cole Young, now for some Pink Floyd, because we're all comfortably numb..."

[KABQ] Cole returns after Comfortably Numb ends, "Alright, we're going straight into callers, on this, our darkest episode of Hard Drive. Caller, you're on the air." There's a click and then a female voice fills the speakers, the voice is very thick east european accented, and quite gruff, "Ghosts and such ilk should being left to fairy tales and camp fires... this is not suitable for public news." Cole, for a second, is quiet, maybe expecting more... then he laughs, "Hold on, are you refering to my show as 'public news'? That's a bit like calling a peice of wood a late night snack, but okay, I'll humor you. Let's pretend we've got ourselves a camp fire raging and here what... Caller? ah, hell, we must have lost her. ooookay, well, there we go. Now I know I've got a European audiance and I was sitting here gearing my show for the American crowd.. Shame on me for not knowing my demographic. Any other callers out there ACTUALLY want to give us a good old fashion ghost story to cuddle up to the fire with?" [KABQ] Cole oocly encourages pages if anyone 'does' have something creepy they want to tell. Doesn't have to be true, just entertaining. CAN be true, but it doesn't have to be.

[Sun Jan 16 21:03:43 2011] [KABQ] Cole plays a sound bite from an old game show, 'No wammies, no wammies... aaaaahhhhh.' "Well that's a little upsetting, I won't lie to you. I keep hearing all these rumors about how 'creepy' Albuquerque is, and nobodies got a single ghost story?" Click, "oh, there we go. Caller you're on the air, tell us your brush with the occult." The voice is a bit timmid and quiet, "I'm on? Oh.. uh. Well, okay. I didn't see it myself, but a friend of mine told me about this old school house.." Cole pips in, "School houses are always terrifying, especially Catholic school houses... nuns with rulers... that's terror brother.." The caller replies, "Uh, huh, sure.. But this is like, well.. They say it's haunted.." Cole again fills the air waves, "With what? Chalk monsters? Did your friend of a friend also tell you that bad grades will befall you if your late to class?" click, "I think there's nothing to this talk of ghost and boogey men. I've been doing this for... four years. And everytime someone calls in with something of the things that go bump, it's easily explained as something attached to a pipe.. I guess, in a way, I shouldn't have expected any different. Still, I don't judge. If your freind of a friend saw something, give us a ring and we'll see if you can't make Brother Cole shiver in his boots. Don't hold your breath though. Here's some Primus on the Hard Drive." Shake Hands with Beef begins to play as Cole stops speaking.

[KABQ] Cole returns, after a short commericial break, "Before we get back into callers, I'd like to encourage you all over to the Aftermath. If you're a hard rocker or a hard drinker, or a little bit of both like yours truely, then this is absolutely the spot for you. Hold on a second, lemme grab a beer before we get to it.." A momentary pause, "Right, let's get this show right back on the perverbial road, highway six six six style. Caller, you're on the air." The voice is thickly drawled and probably a little drunken, "Hey buddy, listen'ner, me and a pal seen one of them spectre ghost first hand." Cole chuckles, "Was it at the bottom of a tequilla bottle? They call that 'spirits', not spectres." The caller doesn't get much riled by the ribbing, "Naw, weren't drinkin a lick at the time. We was over there at that Mexican joint, the Cantina or whatever.. An' I went down to the mens section of the bathrooms. Saw me a sparklin' see through fella havin' at himself in one of the stalls.." Cole is quiet, then there's a very pronounced, very loud buzzer sound, and a softer click, "You ever come up with a brilliant comeback, just after you leave the scene of an arguement? Then wish you could rewind time to that moment, just long enough, to say it?" A pause, "Well this is definately one of those moments. I don't know if stupidity is contagious, but I'm 'seriously' concerned that it might be sexually transmitted. Abstinence please, else this guy spawn and we have little idiots running around sticking their tongues in light sockets, shorting out my fuses and ruining my program. GHOST stories people, not accidental brushes with the occrotch, the 'occult'... I don't care if you're closet dwelling needs to voiced, we're in the business of the undead tonight.. Anyways.. Onto the next caller."

[KABQ] Cole plays a soundbite into the silence between callers and the momentary break for a single commericial, 'Do you hear strange noises in the middle of the night? Do experience feelings of dread in your basement or attic? Have you or any of your family seen a spook, spectre, or ghost? If the answer is yes, don't wait another minute to call the professional, Ghostbusters.' "We're back on the Hard Drive, six six six edition with another caller. Go ahead, you're on the air." A giddy sounding kid fills the void, "So, like.. over at the Kimo Theatre, there's, like, a ghost in the back... and all the community theatre players leave donuts as offerings!" Cole comes back after a quiet chuckle, "So there's not a dunkin donuts in the afterlife? Well that sucks.." The caller also laughs, "Hey man, I'm just telling you what I was told bro.. I mean, how is it all that strange a concept?" Cole sounds louder, closer to the mic perhaps, with a bit of echo, "Because they're leaving donuts for a dead person.." Then back to his less close voice, "I guess it's like laying flowers on a grave, but somehow I expect the high brow spirits that would haunt a theatre to be a little out of the junior league glazed delicacy arena... now if it was a cigar and a bottle of brandy? Sure, I could wrap my mind around this.. but still, thanks for calling." A click, "three five five, five four nine six, give us a call with your spooky happenings about the city Albuquerque." The heavily synthed opening to Black Hole Sun plays lightly at first, "Sound Garden, here on the Hard Drive." Then begins in ernest.

[KABQ] Cole plays 'Self Esteem' by the Offspring after Sound Garden ends.

[KABQ] Cole is lead in by a soundbite of lightening crashing and maniacal laughter, "Gooood eeevening... So, let's recap shall we? Tonight we've heard about a haunted school house, which may or may not be Catholic boarding gone horribly wrong, a masterbating ghost, which is probably a rednecks cry for acceptance by his father, and theatre kids, who are all perfectly stable in their own right, giving the spirit of their dead conductor a fresh stack of donuts. I.. I'm a little put out over here guys. I thought we were a family. A close knit group of friends who could come out with our scary secrets for the whole city to hear. Anyways, onto the callers." Click, "Caller, let's see if you've got what it takes to give me the goosebumps..." The caller chirps in with a emphatically spooky voice, "Mister Young, you're making light of the darkness... I really think you should be a little more sympathetic to what lies in those shadows you so wittily insult.." Cole comes right back over the top, "And you sound like a bad Bella Legosi, I swear to god, if you say a single thing about drinking blood, I'm taking off the kids gloves.." The caller snorts, "Mister Young, you have no idea who I am... but I assure you, I -am- the darkness. I am Vampyr.." Cole is quick on the retort, "Did you intentionally say that with a y because you're really starting to sound like a grade A wanker. Not that I've got anything against vampires, or vampyr, for that matter.. I'm sure, if they exist, they're my target audiance.. but you're making them look like a stereotype and just.. idiotic.." The caller is not so easily riled, "Mister Young, I am a vampyr of emotions.. a psychic vampyr.. my hunger is satisfi-" click, "And there you have it folks, goth kids.. If that doesn't explain, ney, prove, my earlier statements about this rag tag bunch of home grown retards, then I don't know what possibly can. I swear, sometimes I think the kids today are huffing gas... it kills brain cells, please, please, for the love of all things holy and right in the world, drink alcohol like a regular person."

[KABQ] Cole states, "Just once, I want someone to call in and tell me they're a vampyr of love. Someone who feeds off positive, healthy, emotions and has a decent up bringing full of well meaning duty to family and a strong moral code that's dutiful and respectful of others." A pause and a quiet laugh, "Wait, those people are asleep.. I suppose I'll just listen to the crazy people. Anyways, this is the Hard Drive six six six edition with a little Bob seger." Turn the page begins to play in.

[KABQ] Cole plays Great Balls of Fire, Jerry Lee Lewis style, after Seger finishes his crooning.

[KABQ] Cole returns with a soundbite, 'I am Peter Vincent... vampire hunter..' "And I'm Cole Young on the Hard Drive. That was Bob Seger and the Killer... okay, so I was sitting back thinking over our host of friends that've called in and I'm starting to catch onto a theme... The only thing 'haunting' anyone, the only 'bumping' going on in the dark, is peoples imaginations. I say this all the time, but I'm really not a judge.. and I'm certainly not here to judge any of you, but I have a hard time buying into the whole 'what may be' that seems to forever be.. Don't we have enough problems around we can 'actually' see to satisfy our curiousity of exactly what darkness there is in the world? I'm just like most of you in that I 'wish' there was something else, some dark metaphor upon which we could thrust all of the disturbing, unfortunate, and unpleasant things that happen, but let's just call a spade a spade, humans are really messed up. You want scary stories, true unquestionably, scary stories? Open a history text book and look at some of the twisted crap humans have done to each other for hundred, hell, thousands of years. Hilter, Stalin, Andrew Jackson, the Crusades, the Inquisition... Slavery... Manifest Destiny.. and the list goes on and on. I don't need to believe there's a great evil directing how crap the world appears because we don't 'need' an overlord to do horrible deeds.. All we need is a will and the means and someone will unsurprisingly step right up to the plate and smash a line drive all the way to the fences." A pause, the sound of a cracked open can, "But that's just my opinion and I'm hardly an expert."

[KABQ] Cole returns after a few commericials, "Welcome back to the Hard Drive six six six edition... I guess at some point, we have to accept that we're all the masters of our fate, don't we? It's kind of terrifying, I know it, but it's not all that bad either. I use to have this theory, when I was a lot younger and lot less wise... hah." He actually laughs, "..okay, so when I was a 'little' younger, and a lot more sober... stop judging me... anyways, I held to the belief that, once you stop worrying about what's out in the darkness, you're not a child anymore. Now, I don't mean the physical darkness or what might 'literally' be there, but figurative in a purely supernatural situation.. That fear of the unknown, that feeling of walking down a dark hallway and getting goosebumps because 'something' might behind you.. Once it's gone, well... then you realize that all the horrible things on television aren't the boogeyman, it's your neighbors and that's just plain depressing. There's a bright side, however; You're free to set your own path through life. Good or bad, you're in control, the sweat off your brow and the strength of your back, like a modern day pirate sailing the seas of existance." a brief pause, "But then again, kids are said to have a strong attunement to the shadows and what may or may not be in them. See what grown ups don't anymore.. so who knows? All that matters is what you make of it, I guess.. This has been Hard Drive six six six edition and I'm still Cole Young. Remember, if you can't be good, be good at it and suck their blood, if they don't like it rough.." Cole snickers and signs off with his outro playing, though not the usual digitized 'Satisfaction', instead a heavily modified version of 'monster mash'.